Grieving on Mother’s or Father’s Day

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are usually thought of as joyful celebrations, but for some, these holidays can evoke feelings of sorrow and longing instead.

If you’ve lost a parent, the days that are meant to celebrate parenthood might make you feel their absence even more acutely.

Although time can help dampen heartache, holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can bring it right back to the surface. Because grief isn’t linear, it doesn’t simply fade away.

Instead, it might come in waves—triggered by things like the sight of a Father’s Day card on a store shelf, or a cheesy commercial celebrating the bond between a mother and her child.

These triggers can cause cherished memories to flood back unexpectedly, leaving you with a range of powerful emotions, like nostalgia, pain, regret, or sadness (amongst others).

Dealing With Mother’s and Father’s Day Blues

Grief may also surface in the form of regret or unspoken words—things you wished you had said, moments you never had the chance to share, or a relationship that remained unfinished. This can conjure up unresolved emotions and unanswered questions, while it feels like the rest of the world is celebrating a relationship we no longer have.

Grieving is a difficult, messy journey that doesn’t have a clear endpoint. It’s not something we get over—but with time, it is something we learn to live with and carry with us. The sadness of marking an occasion like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day is part of that. Remember that it’s okay to feel sad, cry, honour your emotions, and give yourself space to grieve in whichever way feels right to you.

How to Honour Your Relationship With Your Deceased Parents

These holidays aren’t just about celebrating your parents, they are also about acknowledging the love, pain and memories that remain—no matter how long it’s been since they passed away. To honour your special relationship with your parents, you may want to create meaningful new traditions, such as:

Taking time to reflect on the valuable lessons they taught you.
Visiting a place that holds special significance in your relationship.
Sharing memories and stories that make you laugh or cry with people who knew and loved them.
Engaging in acts of kindness or charity on these days to honour their memory—you could volunteer for a cause they cared about, or donate to a charity that reflects their values.
Finding peace in solitude by taking the time to write letters to your deceased parents, or sitting in quiet contemplation.

Instead of trying to block out these occasions, let these be holidays that provide you with the opportunity to appreciate the deep love you shared. This love doesn’t end with death; it continues to shape our lives and influence who we are.

Remember: You’re Not Alone

If you are feeling overwhelmed by grief this Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel the weight of loss, and it’s okay to honour that pain. Take the time you need to reflect, to remember, and to grieve in your own way.

We’ve included some helpful practices, products, and principles below to help you navigate grief on those days that remind you of your loved ones:

Join local grief groups such as the Lumara Society, access online grief resources, or reach out to the BC Bereavement Hotline for support and guidance.
We work with some incredible celebrants and event planners who can design custom ceremonies to help honour your loved ones. Check out the Life Celebrants, Ceremonialists & Death Doulas section of our Resources page.
Read books that explore topics of death and grief, which may help you feel less lonely as you process your emotions. Some of our favourites are Love and Salt Air by Lisa Hartley and It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine.
Remember that grief is a never-ending journey. Special occasions will always remind us that, no matter how much time has passed since our mom or dad died, their absence is felt, and it’s normal for our hearts to hurt.