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Motherless Mother’s Day
12 April, 2019(0)CommentsNgaio Davis

Kate Spencer’s mom died of cancer. She was 27 then. To help her navigate through her grief, she wrote The Dead Moms Club. Here’s a blurb from Amazon:

In The Dead Moms Club, she walks readers through her experience of stumbling through grief and loss, and helps them to get through it, too. This isn’t a weepy, sentimental story, but rather a frank, up-front look at what it means to go through gruesome grief and come out on the other side.

An empathetic read, The Dead Moms Club covers how losing her mother changed nearly everything in her life: both men and women readers who have lost parents or experienced grief of this magnitude will be comforted and consoled. Spencer concludes each chapter with a cheeky but useful tip for readers (like the “It’s None of Your Business Card” to copy and hand out to nosy strangers asking about your passed loved one).

I joined the Dead Moms Club when I was 37. Four years later, I gave birth to my daughter. I had had difficulty conceiving even with fertility treatment. My pregnancy was not without problems either. But all these challenges paled in comparison with the first six months after my little Maya was born.

My daughter, 8 days old.

When I went to my family doctor to tell him how I was struggling, the first question he asked me was: “Where is your mother?” He wanted to know if my mother was here in Vancouver or back in the Philippines. I burst into tears right in his office. If I hadn’t been choking on my tears, I’d probably have wailed “I want my mother!”

My mother, Rufina, on the day of my handfasting. Rest in joy, my Nanay.

Becoming a new mother made me yearn for my own. My deep yearning, combined with my delayed and unprocessed grief, made me feel unmoored. Adrift. But I knew that for me to be a good mother to my daughter I should get my act together.  I had to anchor myself in the strength of my Nanay (my mother) — and all the other women in our family who came before me. It was a slow process. 

In fact, I’m just starting to get my bearings now. I miss my Nanay. I will always miss her.

Mother’s Day is coming up next month. That day is not always easy when you are motherless. So it’s quite brilliant for Vancouver local Alica Forneret to organize and host Motherless Mother’s Day on May 4th. That’s a week before the rest of the world celebrates Mother’s Day. This is what Alica says about the event:

It’s an opportunity for people that experienced similar loss to chill together and enjoy a night of activities leading up to one of the hardest days of the year. It’s NOT a support group or therapy. We’ll spend the evening commemorating our mamas, celebrating ourselves, and taking a break from the anticipatory grief that builds the closer we get to Mother’s Day weekend!

Here are more details about the evening:

  • 1 full hour of yoga with Feelosophy
  • An intimate, customized journaling sesh with Pen to Paper
  • Custom candle making workshop with Homecoming
  • Local sips and snacks from Juice Truck, Woash Wellness, Zimt Chocolates, Nelson the Seagull, Hoochy Booch Kombucha, + more
  • A special edition chocolate from Purdys Chocolatier, made just for us + more!

Not a member of the Dead Moms Club? Well, you know what to do. Call and talk to your mom. Visit and spend time with her. Also, remember your motherless friends, co-workers and extended family. Kindly pass the invitation of this event along to them! If you’re interested in sponsoring tickets for motherless humans who can’t afford to attend, please email Alica at hello@alicaforneret.com.

Until next time, friends. 

Your fellow mortal,

iris

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